Marvel Fuck-Up

Marvel Team-Up #24 - After reviewing one issue of Robert Kirkman's Marvel Team-Up awhile back I thought I'd wait until the conclusion of the introductory tale of Marvel's new gay hero before I commented any further.

Kirman crafted a rather quirky character with a very unfortunate name - Freedom Ring. Described as 'mild-mannered Curtis Doyle', he was actually rather flighty, self-centered and ... well a bit of an idiot. The GLA's Joe Palmer didn't like the guy at all, blaming Kirman's clunky writing, and advising readers: "Don't spend your money on this comic!"

But at least Curtis' heart was in the right place... eventually. He took quite a beating learning to be a hero, getting crippled in his first fight with a bad-guy, but with the help of his cosmic-cube derived magic ring he was able to heal himself and returned to the field of battle, picking up a skrull side-kick along the way who also dreamed of becoming a superhero. The two of them trained together and honed their skills as costumed adventurers. It seemed like things were looking up for Curtis as the two of them faced-off against an evil alternate-universe Tony Stark in this issue - the hilariously named Iron Maniac. (What is it with Kirkman and snicker-inducing code-names?)

So anyway, Curtis looks all bad-ass on the cover, doesn't he?

Well, that doesn't last more than thirty seconds before he gets knocked out-of-the sky by the annoying bad-guy, and has to be loaded into an ambulance by Spider-Woman. The Avengers continue trying to subdue or reason-with the ca-raaazy evil Tony and eventually Curtis shows up again, having apparently healed himself off-panel or something. The guy sure is a glutton for punishment, but at least he kept trying to do the right thing. Its just too bad Kirkman was determined to write Curtis as such a moronic twat.

Because Curtis inexplicably decides at that point to try to talk his adversary into submission; launching into a long involved explanation of the source of his power, effectively letting the homicidal maniac know exactly how to disable him. Which he promptly does, in the most graphic manner possible:



But one spike through the skull isn't enough for this stupid fag - some future writer might decide to bring Curtis back-to-life to pollute other Marvel comics with his vile gay presence. There's only room for one homosexual superhero at Marvel - well maybe two - but certainly not more than three, so poor bumbling Freedom Ring has to be put down permanently and decisively:



There, that should do it. Lets just see the queer try and come back from that. Dude! There's even a spike coming out of his ASS!! Awesome!!!!! That's just what the dumb fag deserves!!! He probably loved it too.

So what was the point of this crappy storyline? Was Kirkman trying to say that the superhero lifestyle is just too dangerous for certain people? Was he trying to suggest that in order to be a superhero a person needs more than dedication, heart, the desire to help others, the ability to put the needs of strangers above your own safety - - because as self-involved as Curtis was at the beginning of his storyline, he demonstrated that he possessed all these heroic qualities by returning to the battlefield time-and-time again, regardless of having been injured - and even crippled at one point.

So what exactly was it about Curtis that Kirkman felt deserved such a brutal, graphic death? Was he just an idiot? He certainly didn't act all that bright at times, especially in battle. But many Marvel heroes screwed-up early in their careers, and yet they all survived their first outings. Spider-Man famously let a thief run-away without stopping him because he couldn't be bothered, and that same crook ended-up murdering his Uncle Ben. It was a pretty harsh lesson, but Pete survived it. He didn't get impaled or spiked twenty-to-thirty times just for the crime of being a bumbling self-interested jerk.

So selfishness doesn't doom a superhero to a graphic death in the Marvel universe. Nor does clumsy ineptitude; all of the Avengers come off like stumbling fools against the ridiculous Iron Maniac - Captain America is easily electrocuted and Spider Woman and Cage (who somehow gains the power of flight?!) stupidly get close enough to Iron Maniac at the same time that he bashes their heads together as if this was a Loony Toon cartoon. And yet they all survive the battle.

Is the Marvel universe just too dangerous for new heroes these days? Are all new superheros fated to bite-it in the current Civil-War-torn state-of-affairs?

Nope. Freedom Ring's skrull side-kick wanted to be a superhero as much as Curtis did. He took on the name 'Crusader', altered his appearance to look like a generic white-guy spandex-clad super-dude and faced-off against Iron Maniac in this issue. Despite having been at this game for even less time than Curtis, despite getting his face plastered into a brick wall by Iron ... jeezus, I just can't type that ridiculous name one more time ... I'd rather call him Terrible-Tony. Anyhoo... Crusader also gets a hole punched right through him by TT at one point, so he certainly wasn't any more effective or intelligent than any of the other super-dopes in this story, least of all Curtis. And yet Crusader survives this storyline. Even better: he ends up with Curtis' magic decoder ring at the end of the story! So what makes him less-deserving of a graphic, bloody impalement than poor hapless Curtis?

The answer is spelled-out very clearly on the last page of the story, as the Crusader, having skipped his best-friend Curtis' funeral, is shown basking in the attention of two 'lovely', ring-conjured, extremely subservient Skrull ladies, who are climbing all over him and feeding him by hand. You see boys-and-girls, the skrull is a dedicated heterosexual. As are all the other superheroes and supervillans of this tale, and so they get to survive to fight again, no matter how stumbling, bumbling, sexist, selfish, insane, evil, murderous or downright psychotic they might be.



Curtis on the other hand, regardless of all his positive traits, many of which he developed during his quest to become superhero and do some good with the power that was handed to him ... well he also had the unfortunate and ultimately fatal condition of being a faggot in a Marvel comic book.